Well, yesterday was by far the worst day of chemotherapy I have experienced in the 4 years I have been doing this.
After attempting the toast, I threw up almost instantly. They gave me dexamethasone, which they give to patients who are struggling with the side effects. Domperidone to deal with the sickness and a bag of fluids. But what I really wanted was to be able to sleep without the pain. I remembered my medical cannabis in my bag, asked the nurse if I could take it and she surprisingly said yes, “if you think it will help, then whatever you need to do to get you through this, you do it”. So I took some and I slept for 4 hours. Don’t get me wrong, I felt immediately sick the minute I woke up, but at least I was able to sleep through some of the pain and discomfort.
I couldn’t face dinner, just the smell from the other patients sent me into a gagging frenzy. The wonderful nurse made sure that nobody came in, unless I buzzed, while the rest of the patients had their dinner to minimise me feeling sick. Honestly, hats off to these nurses, I would be lost without them.
Last night was a bit better in terms of pain as I took some more medical cannabis before bed. The pain in my joints was really hurting me and I kept shivering, which obviously make your muscles hurt. But I made it through night 2.
I think I must have smelt pretty bad as the ward sister came in to see me and said if you want to go home today (oh my god yes I want to go home to my family) then you need to get up and have a bath and try and eat something. "Your blood pressure is too low for us to allow you to go home right now. We are going to give you another bag of fluid (done and appreciated thank you) then I will help you bath and I need to see you try and eat something to get this blood pressure up."
I did it, with the help of my wonderful nurse, (I did throw up but thankfully I just missed her shoes!! Mortified….!!!) I am dressed (of sorts…..tracksuit, like I am ready for the gym…yes I am now one of those mums wearing athleisure wear! Dear lord….) and they have brought in some grapes and some watermelon. Room temp obviously….but I am slowly eating it at the same time as typing. It is 11am, and the bag isn't due to come off until 7pm tonight when I can then go home, all I need to do is keep this down, then I can go home to my world!
Have a great day. Whatever you are doing, if you are struggling, just remember, you have just got to make it through today. Tomorrow will be easier.
